I Am Not My Circumstances
In amongst the busyness of life we do have moments of pause. My moments used to be filled with thoughts that were more harmful than refreshing.
When you have so much chaos going around it’s hard not to wonder,
‘Is it me? After all, I am the common denominator.’
Was it my fault?
Was it my fault that my old boyfriend hit me?
Was it my fault that the man I gave my heart to cheated on me over and over?
Was it my fault I was used by men?
Was it my fault I upset that person because I didn’t want to do what they wanted me to do?
Was it my fault that life was an uphill struggle?
And the questions would go on and on.
Whilst I acknowledge that I am an imperfect person and do take my share of responsibility for my past actions, the fact is that I wasn’t the only one there.
Therefore I can’t take all the blame.
But I was.
I wanted to be good so much, that I took all the blame on. It was a burden that made me sick, upset, tortured and untrusting because... I am human. This fuelled me to change my personality to adapt. As a human I did all I could to avoid pain and danger whether I was aware of it or not.
It affected relationships, my life choices and my working environment. Everything was fed through the filter that I mess things up.
It created unsteady ground for me, and that’s why I felt the full weight of the struggle. I just couldn’t get a foot hold and so I was scrambling to complete the climb.
In the end, I had to give back what wasn’t mine. I had to give back the responsibility and ownership that the other person had. I didn't give up. I didn't turn around and walk back. I was determined to make it. I wanted to climb. I wanted the promise at the top of the mountain.
I have learnt we are built to carry what is ours but can only carry others for a season before it starts to break us.
I had to tutor myself that I wasn’t my circumstances. I had to show myself that I was separate from the ‘things’ that were happening around me. And I had to learn who I was so that I could put one foot in front of the other regardless of the conditions underfoot or overhead.
It took time.
It took determination to be free.
It took a fresh perspective to know that I wasn’t what happened to me.
I was abused, but I am a survivor.
I was cheated on, but I am loveable.
I was used, but I am loyal.
I was shamed, but I am steadfast in what I know is right.
I was struggling, but I am capable.
I am not my circumstances.
You are NOT your circumstances.
I encourage you to give back what you are not responsible for and to tend to your climb to a higher place. You never know who is behind you. And you never know how you will help them in their climb.
You are the example of success that people crave. Why? Because, after all of the bad stuff, you are still here.
I hope that I have encouraged you today. If you need support do reach out to someone or an organisation that can help. If you would like to share your story or contact me, please feel free to private message me on our Facebook page or on Instagram. You can also email me using firstname.lastname@example.org address. Be sure to check out our next article here on ‘The Encouragers Life.’
Article written by J. Bingham