The Encouragers Life

DISCLAIMER AND INFORMATION All of the things I will be discussing in this series are from my own personal experiences and perspectives.  I share examples and stories and so some details have been changed to provide necessary protection. A good place to start is probably giving you a little bit of a background.   My husband and I were foster carers for 9 years and we were Christians before taking the classes and going through panel to be passed as carers.   We attended a non-denomination church and likely the closet way to describe our faith is Pentecostal.   Due to us relocating we left that church and attended a charismatic non-denominational and Presbyterian during our service. I love church goers and I am not here to hurt but to generate awareness of how actions that are totally innocent can cause ripples that they may never know about.   Don’t worry I am not here to bash any faiths or denominations and each church has different policies etc. My church attending experience a

  I Am Not My Circumstances In amongst the busyness of life we do have moments of pause.  My moments used to be filled with thoughts that were more harmful than refreshing. When you have so much chaos going around it’s hard not to wonder,  ‘Is it me? After all, I am the common denominator.’ Was it my fault? Was it my fault that my old boyfriend hit me? Was it my fault that the man I gave my heart to cheated on me over and over? Was it my fault I was used by men? Was it my fault I upset that person because I didn’t want to do what they wanted me to do? Was it my fault that life was an uphill struggle? And the questions would go on and on. Whilst I acknowledge that I am an imperfect person and do take my share of responsibility for my past actions, the fact is that I wasn’t the only one there.  Therefore I can’t take all the blame.   But I was. I wanted to be good so much , that I took all the blame on.  It was a burden that made me sick, upset, tortured and untrusting because... I am hu

  Raising The Unexpected When I found out that I was pregnant I just knew I was having a girl.   I hadn’t had the best experiences from being female and I was ready to take on parenthood where I could advise and protect my little girl.   I dreamt of her growing up and of shopping for wedding dresses, etc.   I was super prepared which made me even more excited. When we were at a scan, the nurse asked if I would like to know the gender of the baby and I excitedly said yes.   This was the moment I would receive my confirmation that my what I felt was right.   'It’s a boy!' She said. 'What on earth was going on?' I thought.   In typical comedic fashion my husband celebrated in 'his knowing' that we were going to have a boy.  Joy filled his face as he told me that he was right all along.   I even think that moment has a place on his resume that he was right and I was wrong. Rascal. I just remember being quiet and stunned after the hospital trip. I did

Jealousy Those that are close to me have had front row seats to when I have worked through these emotions but not many know that I can be a jealous person.   Probably because I have spent years practicing to control it.   My jealousy came out of two things.    Comparison and desperation.   I looked around my life and my friendship circles, and no one looked like me, acted like me or seen the world like I did, and when that happens you either think everyone else is crazy or that you are built wrong.   I thought I was built wrong.   I remember being the misfit from the age of four and I compared and set standards on what I seen was normal.   It affected how I spoke, what activities I was interested in, how quickly I began dating and what I accepted in relationships. Amongst all of the ‘balancing act’ I lived, of not being too much like me, there was an underlying ache.   I wanted to do something.   I was and still am desperate to do all I can, and I can tell you I have a long

Vindication Addiction Vindication addiction is the only way I can fully describe the hunger that I felt. I am sure we can all name someone from our childhood that made us question our worth. That person or group that picked out something that we felt was normal about us, and used it to humiliate. That became the epicentre of my life. I was determined to be the best I could be, so others would accept me. Unfortunately it didn’t lead to acceptance but offence and the more I expected offence, the more I got. I grew bitter at their reluctance to see that I had something to offer. I was heartbroken that I could never do enough to be liked. I grew hard and developed a need to be vindicated. A need to be right. Childhood rolled on and child issues are replaced by adult ones but it all felt the same.  It was in my 30's, and after a particularly heavy time of my life, that I realised I was craving vindication. I had lost my mother and someone I worked with told lies about me that affected m