First Love
"And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord's holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love that surpasses knowledge - that you may be filled to the measure of all fullness of God." EPHESIANS 3:17-19
I know, I dreamed of it when I was younger.
A love that made you know that they were special and that you were in love when you met.
A love that grew as you did.
A love that was safe.
A love that accepted you.
A love that loved everything about you.
A love that wouldn't fall apart or fade.
But as I grew as a teen I suddenly realised that that wasn't normal.
I witnessed a love that so many of us have experienced.
Love that didn't last.
Love that was cruel and selfish.
Love that was dangerous.
Love that left marks.
Love that built walls of self protection.
There was a game at play.
A to-and-fro of agenda and affection that served a purpose for a time.
And then I met Jesus.
First I met His people.
At the back of the church I saw people waving flags.
Smiles on their faces.
Energetic and free.
I wanted that!
It showed me that with Jesus I wouldn't be told I was too loud.
Too ugly.
Too silly.
Or too stupid.
I could be me freely without the worry that I was made wrong.
Then I met Him.
As I stood there an accepted Jesus, I knew I had answered a call on my life that had been there for years.
I was meant for Him.
And He was meant for me.
Our destinies were intertwined.
A bond that would outlast time.
For a while, Jesus was enough.
He was everything.
But the world doesn't go away just because you have met The One.
In fact the world can sometimes get louder.
The glow of salvation shone for a time.
I learnt a lot.
And I thought I knew a lot too.
As additions came in to my life through work, friendships and relationship with another, their imperfections latched on to my imperfections and amplified my flaws intensity.
I let people down.
I wasn't always the best friend.
The best girlfriend.
The best wife.
I wasn't even the best Christian.
However now looking back I can see that how Jesus reacted to those moments of imperfection was different to how others did.
Others grew angry, tired, frustrated.
Words were exchanged.
Hearts wounded.
Problems exacerbated.
But Jesus.
He waited.
Silently.
Perfectly.
And when He had a chance to speak in to my life He did so, gently.
Firmly.
Fairly.
With hope in His words.
He didn't have an agenda.
He wasn't processing His hurt.
He just wanted me to be ok.
His reaction was different.
People can hurt others.
Whether they are Jesus followers or not.
But Jesus didn't condemn or leave me.
He knew me.
He knew that what was happening wasn't what I wanted.
He knew my heart.
He never quested my intention.
He helped me see better ways.
But He never gave up on me.
He never said he needed time.
He never said that He wasn't sure abut me anymore.
He was loyal.
True.
Forgiving.
And when He was quiet.
It was because my heart wasn't ready.
It was still hurting.
It was still processing.
So He sat with me.
He gave me grace with no deadline to sort myself out.
He gave me forgiveness in my lowest.
And celebrated me in my highs.
Proving He is my first and forever love.
Even when I have other relationships to tend to.
Though people will leave us.
He wont.
Though people may hurt us.
He wont.
Though we change and people.
He wont.
Yet He will share more of Himself.
New revelations.
New skills.
New lessons.
New insights.
We are imperfect people trying our best; wrestling with secret thoughts and bruises caused by events, intentions and moments of reaction rather than reflection.
This is why Jesus is our first love.
Even when our worlds are crumbling around us He will be there. This is the kind of love that introduces us to understanding how truly wonderful we are and the power He has placed with us. This is how amazing He is.
How we are designed, in my case, to be silly.
Loud.
Hard headed.
And memorable.
These things aren't flaws.
Used right, they are strengths.
I am silly so I get along with kids and usually end up with a pile on me, all safeguarding measures enforced of course.
I am loud so I am a good one to get the ball rolling at a party or to do something at an event that requires unabashed vulnerability.
I am hard headed so, although I listen to the negative talk that others say to be and about me, I know where I am going and will end up. And it's not where they say.
And I am memorable.
Sometimes for not so great reasons, but now, I know myself enough to present the best of me. To take care of the introvert and seek healthy self care when I need it.
I love that there are many videos of me enjoying life at events along with the, "remember when...." stories.
So, if you are looking for this kind of love and you have said the prayer of salvation and received Jesus, He is waiting for you.
He loves you.
If you haven't and you want this First Love, then you can say this prayer below and receive Him, learn about Him and begin your adventure.
"Jesus.
I call to You.
I know you are real.
I know that you loved me so much that you gave your life on the cross.
Now in this moment I want to claim my part.
I ask that everything before is washed away by your sacrifice and that now life starts.
Now we walk together.
I accept you into my heart and pray that you show me Your way.
I pray that You remind me that You are with me always.
I pray that you guide me to your people so I can find safety and fellowship.
And whatever happens, help me to remember that You love me in any condition and can provide a way for peace and abundance when I need it.
I thank you for everything that you have done, are doing and about to do.
Amen."
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