Fear Then Relief

Disclaimer- I share this personal story as it gave me a revelation in a dark time.  It happened in a controlled environment and also is an individual circumstance.  I am not offering this story as a method of assisting your child in a similar circumstance and I ask that you use your own judgment.  If you need medical intervention for you or your child I advise you to take that rather than perform procedures that could cause more harm.  I was born in the 80's.  Parenting was different back then.

I was quite young at the time.  Maybe seven or eight years old?  I don't know how I had hurt myself but I had practically pulled my fore fingers' nail off.  It was hanging on my the last stitching of flesh to nail that it could secure.  And, it hurt.

I hadn't told anyone but my mum walked in on me as I was silently working on it trying to release my skin without crying, which meant, I wasn't being successful and the nail wouldn't release.   We showed my Dad and he immediately rose from his chair and left the building.  'Odd,' I thought but my Mum and Dad, who had worked out a form of telepathy in their lengthy marriage, had hatched a plan that I had no idea was coming.  Until I saw it.

In the darkened hallway I saw my Dad's figure but he was holding something.  A large pair of carpet scissors.  My Dad had taught himself how to fit carpets back in the early days and he had built a business with my Mum being very good at it.  So him holding the scissors wasn't weird but he wasn't coming to fix a bit of carpet or vinyl.  He was coming for me.

I climbed my mother like she was a mountain.  Scaling over her arms and shoulders.  I maybe was hoping to camouflage myself in her hair but I was at a loss.  I wasn't able to hide.

My Mum held my hand and finger tight.  This woman was as strong as an ox as my, 'fight or flight,' kicked in and it was saying, 'RUN!'  

I heard the words, 'Stay still Jackie.  I just need to take off enough.'  Then they released me, and the nail was gone.

I have had an extremely tough time in the last month.  And I thought I could make it until I had planned some time away from the normality's of life, but I couldn't make my deadline.  I came to a point where I just had to stop and rest for a while and then I remembered this story.

I remembered the fear.

I remember the panic.

I remember the holding down when I wanted to run.

I remembered that my Dad couldn't find normal scissors so he used what he had in his tool kit to get the job done.

I remembered staying still was a great command for taking off just enough.

And most of all, I recall the release from pain and registering, that after everything, it was the right thing to do.  The nail had to go.  The thing that was causing so much pain, and getting caught on and affecting everything had to be removed.  

My Dad knew he just needed to cut off enough so I wouldn't  focus on the pain anymore and then I would be able to get on with life. 

Sometimes when we know that something has to go, we are scared of facing the cutting away.  So we work at in in secret.  Not letting anyone know how we are struggling.  The pain stops us from enjoying our everyday.  It causes us to go it alone more and more as we try to work it out on our own.

Sometimes things are forced on us.  We don't know how we got there.  We cant remember how we arrived where we are.  We scratch our heads, confused as to why this is happening.

It's uncomfortable.  

It's painful. 

And often, cutting away the dead or loose parts is the only viable option that can bring life back.

Sometimes we ask need to ask for help, and sometimes help stumbles upon your plight and intervenes in a way that you wouldn't have chosen but is a good fit.

I have had several chats in the effort, to heal from the pain that has risen over the last season and they have all included one word.  Vulnerability.  When things need to be let go.  When something dead needs to be cut from your life.  Telling someone who can hold your hand is important.  Whether they are become a comforter or someone that holds you down until the deed is done, the accountability and support of another can often can revolutionise a movement forward.

I hear some of you say, 'I don't have anyone.'  I can reassure you that there is always someone. 


Your journal.

A close friend who you trust and has a good amount of common sense.

Or that almost stranger that pops in your life at your lowest  points.  

The one at church who rarely speaks but then swoops in when (s)he feels your pain with wisdom and hope.

I have told myself that I had no one but there were more willing and listening ears than I first thought.  

That's what pain does.  

It triggers a natural response to guard it at all costs.  

But, for most of us, we don't live in the eat or be eaten era anymore.  We can show vulnerability go to right people and get the right help.  We just need to select those people carefully.

Next week I am launching the 'NOT ALONE' series on The Encouragers Life.  the reason why I started this was because I never wanted to let anyone ever feel as alone as I didn't in times of trouble.  I hope to see you next week.

If you would like to share your story or contact me please feel free to private message me on our Facebook page or on Instagram and while you are there you can give me a like or a follow for daily encouragements. You can also email me using theencouragerslife@gmail.com address. 

Be sure to check out our next article here on ‘The Encouragers Life.’

 Article written by J. Bingham

Copyright 2022

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